I'm feeling so lost

Never felt so devastated before. The war I fought with myself last night was horrible. I had to bring up all my courage to tell you how I feel. Tears flowed down my face like a faulty faucet. I can't stop it from flowing. You were the one who pulled me out from the dark but also the one who decided to throw me back down there alone. I'm tired of going through all these alone. I may be strong, but not as strong as you think I am. I'm sorry that my feelings have faded, but I can't help it. I gave you the chances you ask for, I've given you everything, but I can't seem to get what I want. I'm sorry, but it's too late to turn back time. You've done so much to hurt me, I can never forget all these. When you promised me last night that you'll move on if I leave, my heart hurt so much and I don't know why. Coming 2 years, I just can't bear to let you go. God, tell me what I should do will you?