A story of my life, a story of my mum

I was never an obedient person. I hated studying and I believe most of you out there feels the same. Ever since I was in Primary school, all I could think of is play, play and ogling at guys. What more in Secondary school? I got 194 for my PSLE results. I know, crap. I was given a choice to opt for either the Express stream or Normal Academic stream. At that point of time, my mum told me to choose the Normal Academic stream cause I was not very good in my studies and she worry that I might get affected if I drop from Express to Normal.

I got worst when I was in Secondary School. I started hanging out with bad company, started lazing around and practically gave up on my studies. Most of my close friends encouraged me and helped me but I didn't bother cause I knew studying wasn't my forte. I continued fooling around till O levels, which I screwed up once again. I think I got like 23 points? Seriously, fucking regret. My only choices given were Republic Polytechnic and ITE and the courses given were practically all IT related stuff which neither of them is something I wished to study. I didn't had a choice thus I went ahead with Republic Polytechnic's DBIS.

I don't know if it's too relaxing or I'm just pure lazy that I seldom study for my understanding tests and end up getting shit results. But whatever it is, I'm more than happy that I can get promoted to Year 2 and Year 3 without having to retake any modules. Finally, I've graduated (I think?) but my mum wants me to continue my studies in the university. It's not like I never considered before but I really want to take a break from all these years of studying.

All these while, I'm glad my mum didn't stress me out while I was studying. She doesn't ask for much, not like other parents. Just a pass, she is more than happy. I'm thankful for that. Just today, while we were discussing about University and stuff, she suddenly said something, which made me realized how useless and how unfilial I am as a daughter. She told me I am a smart girl, which I denied of course, which bring us to the main topic. She told me this "You are. But only your mum didn't let you go for tuition or else you can be a lawyer." I broke down when she said this. I really didn't know how to react. Why is she blaming herself when it's my fault? It's me. I was lazy, I was defiant, I was rebellious. At that point of time, I really wanted to tell her how sorry I was, but I couldn't.

Till today, I finally realized that every parents has an expectation from their children, just that they don't show it. I'm sorry mummy. Sorry for everything I've done to break your heart. Sorry for not studying well in the past and now you have to worry for my future on my behalf. Sorry for being so rude to you all the time. Without you, there wouldn't be me. Without you, there wouldn't be this family. Without you, I wouldn't even be studying. And without you, I wouldn't even be here using my laptop typing out this blog post. I owe my entire life to you. Thank you mummy, thanks for everything you've done to make me who I am today.

There is a chinese saying " In the world, only your mum is the best", I totally agree. My mum is like a good friend to me, someone whom I can talk to no matter what happens. Thanks mummy. You're the best mother in this whole entire world. I love you.

♥♥♥