In one of my post, I mentioned that I once lost someone whom I loved dearly. So here goes.Wondering what went wrong which made me lose him? I treated him more than a friend, but less than a couple. I wanted so much to make him mine but I didn't. I gave up a million chances to get together with him. And till the day he decided to leave me, I regretted. Regretted not giving him, giving us a chance. When he disappeared for that one week, my whole mind was filled with no one else but him. Finally realizing how much he actually means to me. There was nothing I could do but to wait. The day he called me when he came back, I was filled with joy and no words could express how I felt. I missed him, so very much. We had the most wonderful memories together since then but guess what? Yes, I screwed things up. He had to leave again but this time round I was a jerk, an asshole. I promised him that I would wait for him, but I didn't. Actually I did, but during that period of time when he wasn't around, I hung out with some other guy. Knowing that I'll definitely break his heart if he finds out but I still continued. He came back three weeks later and I told him what happened. From his look, all I saw was disappointment and unhappiness. From then I know, I've failed, I've hurt the person I love most. He was magnanimous enough to forgive me and give me another chance. But time and time again, I screwed up and hurt him more and more each time. He couldn't trust me anymore. I tried my best to prove to him that I'm a changed person, that the only person I love is him. I did what I could to be a good girlfriend. I was on the way to success till today. I wasn't truthful to him. I kept something from him and he found out. Trust? I guess he can never trust me ever again. Once trust is gone, it can never come back again. I knew this from the very start. I know I had to swallow everything that is coming my way, all the doubts I get from him. All I can do is to assure him but after today, I know even assurance won't make him trust me ever again. I don't blame him for anything. The only person I can blame is myself. I should have cherished all the chances given to me, appreciate how he can swallow everything and accept me for who I am. But I know, it's too late to say all these cause what's done can never be undone. From today onwards, I'll just tell myself to be positive and accept all the criticism and false accusations coming my way. I'll not tie him down anymore cause I have no rights to. I'll never ask him not to leave me anymore because I know I do not have any rights to do so. Whatever it is, as long as he is happy with it, I'll have no objections. I've lost my stand, I've lost myself. This story of my life is going to change from this moment.
If you're reading this, I would like to take this chance to apologize to you in front of all my readers. I'm sorry for being such a jerk. Sorry that I broke your heart time and time again. Sorry I didn't cherish the chances you gave me. Sorry that I made empty promises all the time. And most importantly, I'm sorry you gave me everything you had, you gave me all your love but being the person you love most, I broke your heart time and time again. I really had the intention to make things work out again, to reassure you that I've changed, but I had to screw it up again. Whatever which is going to happen in the future, I really hope you never regretted being with me. I'm sorry I can't be the girl of your dreams. I'm sorry you have to go through all these shit time and time again. I know you're already at the limit, but please, I really need one last chance to prove myself. Just this one time. I'll treasure and cherish this time and not disappoint you ever again. Seems like I'm a little thick skinned to ask you for one more chance. I'll leave it up to you. You call the shots now. Just know that I've never stopped loving you and I don't want to end this.
So people, I've shared the story of my life. Never do things which would hurt your loved ones. Cherish and treasure them. Shower them with all your love and make them feel that you actually do deserve to be trusted. Do not live in a life full of regrets just like me cause you'll not feel good at all.
Please don't judge me.
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